  Hello World! Im Amy/NAS. Was born on 15 Disember 1996 in Hospital Kota Tinggi, Johor Bahru. I was in form 5 and taken pure science. Are addicted to the camera and the colour pink. I'm searching for my strength with the help from Allah. (Y)  ► My Friends ► My Diary  
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| Mimpi
Friday 18 October 2019 | 11:35 pm | 0 Sweet Cupcake
Mimpi?
Ada apa dengan mimpi?
Korang percaya tak dengan mimpi?
Aku percaya.
But depends on waktu, mimpi apa dan reasons.
Aku bg contoh kalau aku mimpi masa aku tengah betul2 letih dan kotor, waktu tu memang semua mimpi ridiculous. Kadang2 yg tak terjangkau dek akal pun ada.
Im not trying to say that what happened around me now is bc of the past. Maybe its just a coincidence that i need to accept the fact. I dont know to who i can express my feelings, only at this site. That i can trust and let it all out.
I have been dealing with bad things for few years and 2017 adalah zaman kejatuhan aku yang paling teruk and this year, im slowly trying to wake up from the failure. 2017, i hate that year. It leads me to depression and all the negative things. I felt useless and taktau mana hala tuju hidup. Cuma dengan secebis iman yang ada, aku masih di sini sampai sekarang mengumpul kekuatan. And Alhamdulillah, tahun ni aku dah keluar dari dunia aku dan make a lot of friends.
Okay, move back to the topic mimpi. Dulu, aku terlampau takut dengan segala benda yang dah jd dalam hidup aku dan sekarang aku use all the points given from Him utk aku tak tersilap langkah dan menyesal. Bila menyesal, aku akan jatuh lagi. Since end of 2018 kot, aku start balik buat solat sunat yg sebelum tu aku buat. Istikharah dll. Oh yes, aku gagal sbg manusia pd tahun 2017 dan rasa tak berguna hanya kerana lelaki ya. Haha. Dan bila aku dah sembuh skrg, aku rasa bodoh yg aku rasa bodoh tu infiniti.
Sambung. Until aku keep on mimpi this one guy. And mmg kenal pun. But tak pernah tegur. Dekat je padahal. At first aku just fikir oh maybe tadi aku ada login fesbuk and then ternampak dia dekat home yada yada. So aku buat bodo.
But the mimpi keep on bothering me until bulan May this year. So imagine for how long keep on dreaming the same guy? Until aku sendiri figure out yg maybe doa istikharah aku terjawab. But then still tak berani nak say any word sebab takut cuma those ridiculous feelings and mainan tidur.
So, i keep on istikharah. Istikharah about jodoh, my career, my health and all the things that need to be decided in life. Istiqamah al-waqiah, al-mulk sebab risau tersilap langkah dan dipermainkan dgn perasaan dan kata hati semata.
And now, dah bulan 11. Waktu bulan 5 tu, aku still ignore those feelings and all the dreams. but bila dah berlarutan and setiap mimpi tu ada meaning tersendiri, hati aku sendiri pun rasa tenang, then thats it. yea, maybe for now pun aku still cant assume anything pun but at least theres secebis jawapan dari situ.
Mungkin boleh jadi Allah hantar dia utk jd kawan dan penyelamat. We dont know. But ada satu mimpi tu betul2 buat aku trfikir. Sampai la satu hari tu aku sendiri mcm tergerak hati nak cari dia kat insta and then aku request. Done! Tapi aku takde expect apa apa pun nak tegur ke apa sebab waktu tu aku still mcm oh it just the mimpisss.
Lepastu waktu dah nak tido aku buka balik insta sebab aku selalunya akan buka insta sebelum tido 😂 aku nampak dia tegur aku. Perasaan tu macam Allah je yg tau. Aku pun taktau kenapa aku nak kena ada feeling mcmtu.
Tapi,
Aku pendekkan cerita,
Sampai skrg,
Aku akan tetap mimpi benda yg sama,
cuma dah tak sekerap dulu.
Mungkin sebab aku dah aturkan langkah? Haha. Entahlah.
I realize that i started to like him lillahitaala. Rasa tenang. But aku tak tipu. Aku rasa nak stop. Sebab aku still traumatised with my past. 😔 idk how to cope with that case anymore. Ini juga yg buat aku rasa mcm whats the point of life if u still keep being haunted by something u didnt do?
A, thankyou for being a part of people in my life. No worries, i dont expect much from you. Im just being grateful. Thats all.
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